vichyssoise of verbiage

26 June is a day of myriad occurrence.
3 years ago, today, my Maltese terrier, Fluffy, was put down due to septicemia(blood poisoning)
She needed 3 blood transfusions and a womb removal but she couldn’t even stand up.
So, she was put out of her suffering.
I spent 3 days crying over it- beating myself up over deciding to do something as horrid as ending a life. She was one of my best friends- around since I was 5 years old.
She was a lovely creature- docile, loving, gentle, sweet- nuzzling against me whenever I cried.
Never difficult, always compliant and friendly- she had a beautiful nature.
And I berated myself over the neglect- the time lost, how I didn’t spend enough time with her, why didn’t I notice something was wrong earlier, how could I let that happen- how?
Why Fluffy? She was 10- she had at least a good number of years left, right?
I cried myself raw- thinking back, I still remember that sour ache- a heavy anchor of remorse unspooling in my gut.

Exactly a year ago today, I befriended someone properly- who I eventually dated,he became an ex, and now we don’t talk much anymore- we’re cool, but the contrast in relations is stark.

And today, an hour ago, my hamster Lancelot passed away.
At least, a paltry consolation for myself at least- he died naturally.
He was 2.5 years old. More, actually.
Hamsters have a 3 year life span.
He died peacefully in his sleep, curled in a corner, next to his food bowl.
Not being cliched and all, but he was THE best hamster ever. He was responsive, warm, fuzzy, never bit me, spunky, upbeat and lovable.
At least now, he’s in a better place.

Today, during sermon, Pastor touched on something which has been bugging me very slightly of late.
Suffice to say- he mentioned a name, the significance of that name-‘vindication’.
Liberation- funny, really, how that works.
That such a message should come on such a day as this.
So, I acted accordingly- I need to see where this thread goes.
But I won’t try too hard.

I have a lot to grapple with in the upcoming months.
I pray for the best, for my hamster, for Fluffy, for hope.
Because we all have to live for something- for me, that would be: potential.

I’m beginning to suspect that June 26 is a day of signs.

It has been- for the past 3 years. I predict the birth of a trend.

A worrisome one- or perhaps just due to my inclination to be excessively harried.

Let’s see where this thread leads to.

We’ll see, but now now.

I’m becoming more utilitarian.

I used to love manicures, pedicures- all that shit.
Now, I just don’t see the fun anymore.
I find them exorbitant, excessive, frivolous and yawn-worthy.

I still think long nails look pretty, nail art is chio, but really- I’d rather have short nails.
I mean seriously, with such talons, what can you do with them?!

Even my sartorial options are reflecting this, and they have been cemented after Wednesday’s little traipse down town in heels.
I pride comfort over style.
I think the elegance in a tee trumps the effort put in to pull together an outfit with disparate, eclectic elements.
I favour solid colours, with perhaps a statement piece.
Or one, sole print.

As for heels, They have to be comfortable- aka- I must be able to sashay, run and skip around in them.
Otherwise, they belong in the dumpster.

I think fashion and function have to marry.
Art cannot be for art’s sake. Aesthetics over pragmatism will results in cataclysmic outcomes.
I’d rather wear something not as glamourous, but it serves the purpose.

And really, after a while, I just stop giving a damn about other opinions- if we are constantly shackled by them, how do we evolve and transcend the hazy thicket of convention?

There has to be more to things.  

However, granted though, society is beguiled by the seductive advances of aesthetics- we judge based on looks. Thin slicing- 3 secs- you have an opinion on someone, just based on the way they look.
And in this respect, this is why we, this is why I make an effort to look good anyway- 
because looks do matter.

I think life is fair though, I’ve yet to meet someone amazingly gorgeous but yet sentient and intelligent- without being plagued by some other horrific disorder.
Life is kind of fair like that, methinks.

But yeah, ultimately, you have to look good.
You do.
Suck it up.

(and omg, I have to leave my bangs alone so they can grow out! :3)

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I am a bimbo.
I relented to my vanity and decided to wear the new pair of nude leather heels.
They lengthened my pins, made them look relatively slimmer, looked great with the jeggings and my own tunic top.
So yay, I wore them.

How overwhelmingly stupid of me.

The peds of my feet, my toes- are currently blistered, obviously.
So, me being me- I painstakingly used a thick metal needle and burst every single one, drained and cleaned them, and plastered them.
That hurt already.
I’m presently wearing 2 pairs of thick, cushy socks to cushion the impact of you know- walking.

Owwwww.

I worry for shower time tomorrow really.
When the water hits the open wound….eep!
But hey, I’m the sort that rubs salt into ulcers so.

No pain, no gain. 

(pawsdown)

photos later